Loneliness is Tiring

Run.
Run.
Run.
Run me ragged
Run me dry
Run the course
To love, good bye.
Run away
Too soon, too late
Run to sadness,
Run to hate.
I'm tired now
My veins run dry
Tears I have plenty,
They boil inside. 

Your eyes are planetesimals,
Your heart a universe sustained by galaxies of lovers.
My mind is filled with dark matter
Space fills me and empties me
The exploration of my desires uncovers stellar remnants;
A matter passed between us from when I stood on the edge of the milky way.

By the Pond

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My momentum coming down the hill caused the toes of my shoes to dig into the dirt. The pond was low and dark; the green algae from summer had disappeared. I could feel him behind me and I could hear the friction of his boots against the moss and stones. He didn’t touch me but we shared a fire that he had built and we drank together and talked. While we were sitting on the bottom of the overturned rowboat he slid next to me and offered me a sip of his whiskey. I didn’t think of it at the time, but I’m thinking of it now…that not 10 feet away a tree stood with our initials carved into its bark and I wonder if what we have between the two of us is like that carving. Something that is out in the open. Something concrete and part of something natural and organic that is real and definite and was created to be worked at to make a mark.

The Bath

Pink soles,
one tiny mole.
Soapy water,
quiet mutter.
Tiled walls,
whispered calls.
Tiny splashes,
private flashes.
Behind a towel,
inner scowl.
Draining flush,
head-rush.
Slapping hair,
completely bare.
Padding feet,
dripping treat.
Empty bed,
muddled head.
Heavy sigh,
night's goodbye.

Now

Now you are sad and scared and every bad feeling you've ever had is welling up inside you. You will cry and go silent for hours at a time. You will want nothing and everything all at once. You will be buried under emotion and you will fight yourself more than anyone else because you are doing this to yourself. You have made a choice and you will hate yourself for it but you know it is right. You are pushing yourself into the open and risking the most powerful thing you have all because you are being selfish. You will continue to be selfish even when it is wrong. You will have to work against those negative feelings towards him and who he chooses to spend his time with. This is not about him, it is about you. You are your worst enemy and your biggest supporter. You have to be strong for you, now and always.

all

This is what I want my life to be: freedom and big skies – flowers and clutter and roots. Love and laughter and contentment, excitement and wonder. Oceans, bays, lakes and ponds. Small creatures, big dogs, barn cats, dirt, wind and warm breezes. Sand and cool nights, stars, sunsets, smiles and wealth of spirit. Openness, quiet, commotion, heat and cold, dry, moist, smooth and detailed, rough and plain. Forests, woods, mountains and hills, nature, nurture. I want life to be overwhelming, satisfying, terrifying and mystical. I want to live in a fairy tale every day.

crazy

Bilingual = speaking in dialects of crazy (in addition to English):
I believe everyone is bilingual in a loose sense of the term. I consider every family to speak a different dialect of crazy. No one group can speak the same form of craziness but different dialects can evolve and be sustained within a family dynamic. So, generally everyone is bilingual. You have a base type of language socially acceptable in most areas such as the workplace, grocery shopping, restaurants etc. and then you have certain cases where seemingly communicative people diverge from socially acceptable speech into their personal dialect. In most cases this dialect would be understood, maybe not approved but definitely translatable to a family member observing the conversation or having the incident relayed to them at a later time. To clarify the flexible definition of crazy I would have to point out that every individual's interpretation of what is acceptable, humorous or understood varies based on life experiences and learned behaviors. Crazy to some maybe "normal" to others. "Normal" to others may be crazy to some.